Just a few weeks ago my son turned 20.
I feel like it just makes sense to celebrate my 20th year as a mother.
Yes, It is something to celebrate and be thankful for.
From the quiet 17 year old high school student to the 37 year old woman I am now. It has certainly been a journey. One that I didn't think I would start so early. But like all other things in life, I faced my decisions and did what I had to do.
2001 was the year.
My pregnancy journey was a bit strange. Unlike others I did not enjoy or embrace my pregnancy in the beginning. As a matter of fact I resented myself for getting pregnant and was in full blown denial.
I got pregnant in the early part of 2001. My body started going through changes and I just ignored them being my young and naive self.
At the time my mother asked me numerous times " Are You pregnant?"
I gave a confident , 'NO" , every time she asked me that.
Then one day she decided to find out for herself. She executed her motherly duties and walked me into Children's National Medical Center here in Washington DC. After a few stomach pushes and a urine test, it came back ,
I WAS PREGNANT
If you are a mother you know the transitions from bringing your baby home to late night feedings and changings. One day you are rubbing your belly admiring the life inside of you and the next you have this little person next to you for the next 18 years.
From teen mom to adulthood there was always a tug of war. There was this battle to settle for mediocrity or go hard for a better life. A better life that was not taught in school. A better life I was not shown growing up as a little girl. Yet, there was no real blueprint or role model to say, "Go this way or go that way". I literally felt my way around in the dark, crawled , took one step at a time, fell , lost, got hurt, got abused and fell again. The only constant factor was.....
I Kept Moving.
1. You do not have to be like your parents . It is a noble thing to say " I want to be like my parents". Yet, each generation grows and develops differently. You may want to expose your children to more than what you were exposed to. So, you most likely will have to teach and nurture your child in a way completely opposite of how you were raised. Think outside of the box. Think outside of the box on how your culture or race raises their children.
2. Ask for Help. Whether it be through your network or an organization that offers something you need. Being a strong woman and mother can cause some of us to think that " being strong" is necessary all the time. For example,
I woke up this morning, started cooking breakfast and the tears began to fall from my eyes. Nothing sad happened. No one said anything hurtful to me.
Yet, there was something internally happening , both spiritually and emotionally and it had to be released. In that moment , I texted a close friend, cried my eyes out, talked through what was going on internally, gathered my strength and went on about my day.
-Talk It Out.
-Gather your strength.
- Keep going
3. Communicate Effectively With The Other Parent.
Co-Parenting can be difficult when only one person is being responsible or there is no communication at all . I know tons of mothers who are doing the best because the other parent is currently suffering a financial or mental crisis. As circumstances change throughout both parents' lives, you must still find a way to communicate in a positive manner. Now, if that other parent is not willing to be respectful and compromise for the benefit of the child, by all means do YOU.
I always found it easier to state my standards and expectations and not waiver on them.
4. Know Your Limits.
We all have to work hard for our goals and to get where we need to be. Yet in all of our growing and obtaining, we must learn to be in tune with our minds and bodies and know when it is time to rest or slow down. The hustle culture has taught as that if we are not busy that we are not making progress. That countless hours of working and toiling equal success. In some cases yes but mental health is just as important as financial success.
5. Follow Your Dreams Sis.
There really are no limits to achieving your goals. There may be hurdles but not limits.
If you believe you can get a degree, you can and you will.
If you believe you will make six figures in your business, you can and you will.
My faith has taught me to believe outside of what I see in front of me.
In addition to believing that I am worthy of having the best life has to offer.
Most days you might lose sleep, not feel motivated but if that goal or dream will lead to financial and personal freedom. SIS. YOU BETTER KEEP GOING!!
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